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Writer's pictureLerato Mohale

It's not just Sex



I am in bed, eyes flickering at the rhythm of my throbbing womb. I reach out for my phone on the nightstand and click onto Flo, an app that tracks my menstrual cycle. I breathe a sigh of relief upon registering that I'm two weeks away from my period. The relief I feel is quickly wiped out by bewilderment as I can't seem to figure out the source of heaviness in my uterus. I begin to cuddle my hot water bottle which eases the pain slightly allowing my heavy eyes to rest. The images of my green walls and white fluffy sheets are blurred out and are replaced by navy blue blazers marching in orderly steps in response to a ringing bell. I look up and read a board written 'Glenvista High Sch..." but get distracted at the trickling of fluid flowing down my grey pants. I jolt through the swarm of scholars into the restroom and I am bombarded by the colour red. I am met with a sea of blood; blood on the floors, walls and ceilings. I'm swallowed by the filth of clogged toilets and murky waters as I struggle to get clean air into my lungs. I finally find an unoccupied cubicle with questionable hygiene, drop my pants, squat and change my overflowing sanitary towel. My bare skin begins to itch as it scrapes crud off of the water closet allowing it to penetrate my pores whilst the stench of the space suffocates me... I wake up.


Why did that dream feel so real...so intimate ? I reflect. This dream occurred on the very same night I was coerced into sex by a man whose name I couldn't care enough to spell. The dream affected me so much that I shared it with my best friend and she interpreted it as an indication of the "spiritual hygiene" of the interaction. The dream was a form of spiritual expression that shone a light on the violation that had occurred in the physical. From that night onwards, whenever I would engage I would experience the same dream: school, restrooms, menstrual cycle. The only difference would be my blood flow and the condition of the toilet. Without diving into body counts and other useless social constructs that make out women and their sexuality thereof as less than, the overall experience would depend on the person I'd interact with. It's important for me to highlight that not all interactions and resultant dreams were bad; most interactions were clean and "pure". In the church, purity is morally defined by a man or woman's virginity. "No sex before marriage!" is roared at us igniting the curious mind. I was the least curious child when it came to my sexuality and sensuality; more of a late bloomer amongst my circle of friends. The first time I drank from the chapped lips of any boy was when I was wearing my embroidered blazer with a prefect badge on my left breast. And the first time my hymen tore was during my best friend's birthday celebration weekend at a lodge in the Free State.


I was a naïve 21 year old girl dressed up in a torn veil of womanhood when I lost my virginity. The white sheets set the stage for all truths to be exposed before the eyes of God. Scattered amongst the sheets were trickles of blood: insignificant stains to the naked eye yet a colossal collision within me. My hymen: the gateway to the embodiment of my feminine energy and the passage to where my innate power rests. It was torn, allowing for minute drops of blood to flow from me. In the church, the shedding of blood reflects a covenant with God; a binding agreement between two or more parties.

For "it is by blood that God's covenant is ratified, making it officially valid," Exodus 24v6-8. Bloodshed is a divine ritual, "an outward action designed to illustrate and confirm an inward spiritual reality, the union between God and His people," Bible Outlines. When a man and woman become intimate for the first time, the shedding of blood by a woman introduces God as the anchor of the relationship. Sex is a gift from God; a seraphic fruit reaped from the seed of marriage. Its sacredness allows for two people to connect body to body, mind to mind and soul to soul hence the two become one. "From the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. So they're no longer two but one in flesh. Let no one split apart what God has joined together," Mark 10v6-9.


The law of conservation of energy states that "energy can't be created nor destroyed; only converted from one form to another". Humans comprise of matter and matter is characterized by atoms which are carriers of energy. Chakras known as cakra in Sanskrit are focal points for meditation within the human anatomy. They are structures of energy resembling flowers where meridians known as nāḍīs converge. Not only are they centre points of energy but junctions where anatomy and spirit meet. There are seven main chakras in the human body from the base of the spine to crown of the head. Each chakra exudes a colour of the rainbow, imitating an element of nature (earth, wind, fire, air) and connecting to a specific Hindu deity. Sexuality and sensuality are expressed by two main chakras: the sacral and root. The root chakra shines bright in red and is the foundation of the body and life within the body. It grounds and centres a person providing a sense of security and stability. The sacral chakra burns in orange representing reproduction, intimacy and pleasure. It is a channel where emotions flow and creativity manifests. Consensual sex creates a harmonious flow of energy within the body thus raising its vibrational frequency. It empowers pure intimate connection between two people where two hearts beat as one creating a rhythm that two bodies can dance to. Maintaining a balance within your chakras is of the utmost importance when pursuing a healthy and wholesome life.


It's not just sex. It's not just looking into a person eyes during sex; it's creating a soul tie. It's not just a song by Cardi B ft. Megan Thee Stallion; it's social conditioning. It's not just a scene from Yizo Yizo; it's obliterating the notion of consensus. It's not just a one night stand; it's a promise to God...It's not just sex. The reason why our parents, our teachers and our pastors bark "no sex before marriage!" at us is because sex is gift from God designed within the parameters of marriage. The fruit loses its sweetness when it is reaped from barren soil, that is to say outside the parameters of marriage.

The principle exists not to deprive us from the world's pleasures but to protect us... protect us from ourselves. The restrictions God places has got nothing to do with God but everything to do with us.


Remember, God is still God with or without our obedience.













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