The war is over. The battle has been won by Lerato la Modimo; God and I. Once the dust had settled, my soft spoken utterances and profound breaths sought healing. I asked God to tend to the wounds of my flesh, make whole my void heart and elevate my spirit. I was left cooling my heels, patiently waiting for guidance. I had to wait...and wait...and wait. As a vibrational being, I don't chase; I attract. I needed to become the healing I yearned for. And in the waiting God was teaching me to rest in my pain.
After Jesus was crucified on the cross, a member of the Jewish High Council requested his body. "He took the body down from the cross and wrapped it in a long linen cloth and laid it in a new tomb carved out of rock. This was done late Friday afternoon, the day of preparation for the Sabbath. As his body was taken away, the women from Galilee followed and saw the tomb where they placed his body. Then they went home and prepared spices and ointments to embalm him. But by the time they were finished it was the Sabbath, so they rested all that day as requested by law" Luke 23:53-56. The women of Galilee were grieving after witnessing the death of their leader and loved one. They were riddled with emotional pain and psychological trauma and instead of facing it, they ran away by keeping busy. This is where God halts the brakes commanding rest. "Be still and know that I am God" kept ringing in my ear. Resting in my pain enabled me to return to the core of my Being and in doing so, return to God. When you hold space for yourself and allow yourself to feel what you need to feel, when you're one with the present moment, you invite God to show up. "In your weakness my strength is made perfect" 2 Corinthians 12:8. Pain is a meeting place with God where [S]He renews your mind and restores your spirit.
Healing is not a destination but a journey that requires one to take steps as and when. In a state of rest, emotional scars and psychological traumas emerged. It was time to wash away the burden of pain that was resting squarely on my shoulders. It is 15:01 on a crisp afternoon with greyish clouds imprinted on the sky. I am immersed in a cold body of water neck down as my knees rest on the riverbed. My body starts to shake uncontrollably not solely because of the frosty water but due to the thoughts in my head too. I have an undeniable fear of water, I explain this as I hold the hands of the prophetesses standing in the water beside me. The bishop wase Zion is standing on the river bank and instructs me to calm down as I describe how my fear has nothing to do with spirituality and everything to do with my mind. My fear of water is so great that I'm a 28 year old who has access to a pool in her mother's backyard, but still doesn't know how to swim. And quite frankly, I couldn't care to learn. The bishop begins to pray and the two ladies aggressively dip me in and out of the water countless times. I try to pray too but fail; I am bombarded by the gobbles of water, choking and ringing in my ears. I keep thinking "I can't breathe ! I can't breathe!" and the bishop releases this ear splitting whistle from his lips that disorientates me completely. I begin to burp uncontrollably causing the ladies to pay special attention to my response to the water. When the chaos eventually subsides, I raise my eyes to the heavens and give thanks to Modimo le Badimo for cleansing, restoring and renewing me.
The primordial waters are the greatest givers of life. In Ancient Kemet, the horizon of waters known as Manu is where all life begins. It is described as a "celestial sphere from which the elements of creation emerge. Its image is a watery mass of undefined powers, where all possibilities are articulated but not manifest." [The Sacred Magic of Ancient Egypt]. The deity in this world is known as Nun, the genesis who brings forth life from the darkness by speaking the creative utterance. This is echoed by the bible in Genesis 1:2-3, "now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. And God said 'Let there be light', and there was light." Notably, the sun emerged from the waters and light was created from the darkness. In ancient times, water was the primary agent for purifications and ceremonial cleansings facilitated by priests. Nun was acknowledged as the source of all water and as such "carried the power to renew and rejuvenate , just as the gods could cyclically return to their watery origins and come into being once again,"[The Sacred Magic of Ancient Egypt]. Equally important was the utilization of natron [sewasho] and incense [imphepho] as natural disinfectants and energy cleansers.
As Bantu people who settled in the Southern African region, the ancestral water spirit that manifests within and around us is known as Mndau. There are various demonstrations of uMndau's existence but my understanding of uMndau is that it is a spirit that stems from colonial times in the 1800s during King Shaka's reign. This was a time where Shaka was attempting to unify the children of the heavens [amazulu],which in modern day would be considered as breaking the barriers of tribalism. The mandate was to kill all men and take over the women, children and livestock of different clans. This led to a lot of chaos, displacement and bloodshed throughout the land hence the name uMndau which means to find place or to find refuge. People fled to different parts of the land from modern day Namibia to Mozambique right up to Zambia. The brutal slaughtering of innocent lives and its adverse effects created a collective unrest in the spiritual realm. Energy cannot be created or destroyed just transferred, hence the pains and wails were carried from the earth to the heavens [izulu]. The uMndau spirit allows for that energy to revert back to the physical by being absorbed and transmuted by the primeval waters. Hence, a person that has an ancestral lineage of uMndau is required to cleanse and be one with the water on many occasions. Death requires life and the balance between the two in spirit and flesh is achieved through the giver of life Nun in the oceans, rivers and lakes.
Water is the celestial sphere that births life and light. There's a reason why God wanted the first earthly experience of a human being to be in water. A fetus in a mother's womb grows and develops in an amniotic sac which takes shape at about 12 days after conception. In the beginning, the sac is filled with fluid which is predominately water. As time progresses, the sac is filled with the baby's urine, hormones, nutrients and antibodies. The birth of a baby is a miracle in itself and the rebirth of an individual in the form of baptism in the church or ukugeza emanzini is a miracle too. There is always a silver lining, a miracle within the storm...find it. And when you find it, honour it.
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